her vagine was all disorganized.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
