You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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