just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
