my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
