Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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