he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
