mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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