Well apparently he's into motor boating.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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