I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
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So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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