And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
