Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
