fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
