Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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