dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
