Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
