Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
