she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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