Can Purell be used as lube?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
