I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
