I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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