You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
