Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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