He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
