you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
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