I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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