So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
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Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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