i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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