I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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