just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
