i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
