Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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