i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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