I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
