you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
