So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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