I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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