You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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