hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
