morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
