Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
