Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
