If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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