Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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