So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
