I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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