Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
