Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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