K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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