If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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