Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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