guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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