Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
