We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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