You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
