Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't put those talents on a resume
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
