Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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