I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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