I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
COCAINE IS GR8
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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