I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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