I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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