I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
