I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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