grandma shit on top of the toilet
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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