Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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