god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
