her facebook's as public as her vagina
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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