I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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