i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
These tits shall not be calmed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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