we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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