cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
