you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
